


falling in, falling out

by tidus



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Spoilers, i could have written forever, i expected 1.5k but it ended up longer...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 20:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17732453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tidus/pseuds/tidus
Summary: Riku loves Sora.It's as simple as that.And yet, it's not.AKA:A through-the-years fic focusing on Riku's ever-growing feelings for Sora.





	falling in, falling out

**Author's Note:**

> i haven’t played anything before kh3 in such a long time, so a lot of the details are probably extremely wrong, but please just go with it i’m here to make riku sad. 
> 
> it’s just riku having feelings for sora that he doesn’t bring up because of all the shit they have to deal with.

**ACT ONE — THE BEGINNING...**

Riku is pretty sure he falls in love with Sora the very first time they meet. Bright blue eyes that remind Riku of the sky and the sea all at the same time. Skin tanned and freckled from long days in the sun. A grin so blinding that Riku thinks it might _be_ the sun.

They’re fast friends and, even though Sora’s fast friends with _everyone_ he meets, he’ll always tell Riku that he’s Sora’s _bestest_ friend.

When Kairi moves to the Islands, Riku doesn’t really like her. He feels like he’s being replaced, and he doesn’t _want_ to be replaced. But then Sora bounds over, his hand tugging lightly on Kairi’s elbow.

“Kairi, this is Riku! He’s my _best_ friend!”

And Riku feels okay again.

Sure, it’s a temporary kind of okay, but Riku thinks he’ll manage.

He thinks Kairi knows what he’s doing when he takes Sora’s attention from her. When he’ll lean over _just_ a little bit more so that his and Sora’s shoulders touch. And there’s nothing _wrong_ with that, because they’re best friends.

It’s an ugly feeling, one Riku really doesn’t like.

He realises, one day, that Sora might end up liking Kairi in the same way that he likes Sora.

That’s the day he holes himself up in his room, lays a hand over his heart, and cries, for the first time in years.

* * *

 

Over time, Riku warms up to Kairi.

At first, he tells himself that he has to tolerate her, since Sora wants to be friends with her.

And then Sora catches a cold.

And Kairi and Riku have to spend the day together at school. Sure, Riku’s a whole year older than Kairi, so there’s nothing saying they _have_ to spend the lunch break together.

But they do anyway.

Spending time with Kairi on her own is an experience Riku never expects to enjoy.

She offers Riku parts of her lunch when she sees that he doesn’t have any — a fault of his own for oversleeping for once in his life — and practically forces half of her sandwich on him when he tries to politely refuse.

They eat in silence; Kairi is a passionate eater who likes her food, apparently. Meanwhile, Riku just doesn’t know what to _say_.

So, to begin with, they talk about Sora.

Then, Kairi mentions homework she has for algebra, and Riku offers to help.

It’s not much, Riku thinks, but it’s a start.

When Sora comes back the next day, Riku pretends that he _hadn’t_ enjoyed spending time with Kairi.

He sees the hurt in her eyes and ignores it.

* * *

 

The next time Kairi approaches him, it’s at the start of summer. She tells him that she doesn’t want there to be any hard feelings between them, since they’re both Sora’s friend.

“And, even though you’re his best friend, I want to be his friend too,” Kairi says it with a smile. And Riku can’t hate her anymore. Not with a smile that pure.

“You don’t hate me?” He asks in a small voice, focusing on an area above Kairi’s right shoulder.

“I couldn’t hate you — you guys have been best friends your whole life, I _felt_ like I was intruding. But then… Sora insisted it was fine. I’m sorry, Riku,” Kairi has a lot of courage, because she forces Riku to meet her eyes, and he sees fire behind them.

“If Sora’s fine with it, then so am I.”

“Except you look like someone pissed in your cereal every time it’s just the three of us.” Kairi sighs, a smile in her voice. “Really, I’m just glad you’re not the kind of person to try to sabotage my friendship with Sora.”

He nearly tells her, “ _I almost was_ ”, but decides against it when he sees the way she’s looking at him. “Yeah,” he says instead, “I don’t want Sora to be sad.”

And then, he smiles for the first time that day.

By the end of that summer, Riku has no problem telling anyone that Sora _and_ Kairi are his best friends.

While Sora doesn’t mention anything to either of them, he must notice some positive change because, over the next week, he starts positively _glowing_.

* * *

 

**ACT TWO — THE MIDDLE…**

When Riku and Mickey are closing the door to the Realm of Darkness, with Sora, Donald and Goofy on the other side, Riku thinks he might cry.

But then he sees Sora, who’s grown so much since they left the Islands. The fire in his eyes that burns hotter than it ever has before; because, now, Sora’s experienced the _adventure_ that they’ve all been dreaming of for years.

So, Riku smiles.

He sees the shaking of Sora’s hands as the other realises that he doesn't know _if_ or _when_ he’ll see Riku again. Riku’s heart aches.

The back of his eyes feel hot, so he pushes the doors a bit harder, and watches as Sora’s eyes fill up.

“Take care of her,” is what he says, which betrays everything else he _wants_ to say.

“ _Don’t forget about me_ ,” he wants to say.

“ _I love you_ ,” he wants to shout.

* * *

 

The next time Riku sees Sora, the latter is asleep.

Naminé, who feels so much like Kairi and so much _different_ all at the same time, tells Riku that she needs Sora asleep so that she can repair all of the damage done to Sora’s memories.

Riku meets someone, who _looks_ practically identical to Kairi, and yet has a demeanour that’s so drastically different. The two fight, and Riku easily overpowers her.

It’s a difficult fight — Riku feels as though he’s _fighting_ Kairi. So he closes his eyes, even underneath the blindfold he wears, and lets his feelings and instinct guide him through the fight.

He answers her questions cryptically, knowing there’s not much chance she’ll piece it all together by herself. He tells her that he needs to keep Sora safe, and this is how he’s managing to do it.

He leaves her, which leaves a strange ache in his chest.

He later learns that they call her Xion, and she’s a replica created by Organization XIII’s Vexen. She’s been created using Sora’s memories of Kairi. Well, that answers most of Riku’s questions.

* * *

 

Naminé tells Riku later that, in order for Sora to be able to wake up, both Xion _and_ Roxas need to return to Sora.

And, while Xion has, Roxas hasn’t.

That ends up being Riku’s next goal.

Roxas isn’t anything like Sora, he notes. They meet in The World That Never Was, and Roxas seems a lot smaller and angrier than Riku has ever known Sora to be. He also doesn’t _look_ that much like Sora, information which Riku files away in the back of his mind.

Roxas is strong, and has _two_ keyblades.

Roxas charges in, and Riku easily knocks him down. It feels familiar. Riku grins.

“Come on Sora, I thought you were stronger than that!”

It’s a low blow, but Roxas seems so worked up that it _might_ just work.

“Get real!” The lilt in Roxas’ voice is different and, _oh_ , so familiar. “Look which one of us is winning!”

Roxas slaps a hand over his mouth and Riku grins, though his stomach is doing somersaults.

“So it’s true. You really are his Nobody…”

“I’m me! Nobody else!” Roxas growls, voice low in his throat and angry tears brimming his eyes. He wants to be his own person; Riku has sympathy… But Riku _also_ needs Sora back. And for that, he has to fight Sora’s Nobody.

So Riku embraces the darkness, and he takes Roxas to DiZ.

* * *

 

Kairi knows it’s Riku instantly, even though she’d been put off for a split second after pushing the hood down. She smiles a shaky smile and throws her arms around his middle. His hands hover at her shoulders, unsure whether to hug back or push her away.

Riku feels warmth spreading through his heart that leads down into his stomach.

“ _I’ve really missed you_ ,” is what he wants to say.

Later, Riku saves her from a hoard of Heartless and hands her a Keyblade of her own. She slices through Heartless with a finesse that took Riku months to master — he’s impressed. She’s clumsy, misjudging the weight of the blade in her hands, and her swing could use a lot of work. But she moves fluidly through the Heartless and over to Sora.

Sora…

Riku turns to leave, when the fight is over, and inhales.

“Riku, don’t go!”

His heart jumps a beat.

He hears the disbelieving exclaims.

“Kairi, what did you just say?”

Riku tries to talk his way out; he _needs_ to get out of there before—

A small hand grasps his own, keeps him in place.

“Sora, come here,” Kairi’s voice is soft, yet demanding. A voice neither Sora or Riku could ignore. “Say something to him.” Sora approaches tentatively, untrust written all over his features, and Kairi takes his hand in her free one. She pulls each of their hands forward and places Sora’s atop Riku’s.

Riku feels sick.

The back of his neck is starting to sweat, his hands feel clammy inside the black Organization XIII gloves. He feels like his chest is getting tighter and his breath coming shorter.

“Close your eyes—” The voice pierces through his discomfort, and Riku thinks that Kairi must be repeating herself. She isn’t talking to him though; she’s looking at Sora.

Riku watches as Sora closes his eyes; he watches as Sora’s expression morphs from apprehension to pure elation. And then as Sora’s eyes open, they fill with tears that begin to spill over and down his cheeks. The smile falls from his face, and he falls to his knees, now clutching Riku’s hand with both of his own in a vice grip.

“I looked for you!” And if _that_ doesn’t break Riku’s heart…

Sora’s words are almost unintelligible through his sobbing — it’s something Riku’s never seen before. He’s seen Sora cry a lot before. Over the loss of his favourite stick at the age of seven. At the idea of Riku going back to a house that’s not _really_ a home. The time Kairi couldn’t come out to the beach because she’d not long moved to the Island and ended up with sun-stroke.

But this… _This_ makes Riku’s knees feel weak. He wants to kneel down in front of Sora, put his arms around him and squeeze him tightly. He wants to let Sora know that he’s there, he’s real, that Sora _found_ him.

* * *

 

Riku takes the blow for Sora.

Of course he does.

They sit together on the shore, and Riku relishes in the feeling of Sora sitting next to him. Even in the Realm of Darkness, he can feel the warmth of Sora’s sun-kissed arm leaning against his own.

“I wish I could live life the way you do,” Riku says, leaning over so that he can feel the spikes of Sora’s hair poking into his cheek, “just following my heart.”

And that hurts to admit — Riku will never be able to follow his heart in the way he so desperately wants to. Instead, he’ll just make sure he does his best to make sure he’s with Sora no matter what he needs.

Sora’s long “ _hmmm_ ” from his left snaps him out of his reverie, and he angles his head to look at Sora from the corner of his eye. “Yeah,” Sora says, leaning back on his hands, “well, I’ve got my share of problems, too.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Sora pauses, eyes avoiding Riku’s and opting to look straight ahead. “Like wanting to be like you.”

Riku’s heart stutters in his chest; he has to add pressure to his bandaged wrist to keep himself focused.

“Well, there is one advantage to being me… Something you could never imitate,” Riku lets out a chuckle at the questioning noise Sora makes in the back of his throat.

“Really? What’s that?”

Riku swallows. “Having you for a friend.” He glances over at Sora to gauge his reaction, the splitting grin that appears on Sora’s face helping Riku’s heart to calm down and his stomach settle.

* * *

 

**ACT THREE — THE ENDING…**

For a long time, Riku has watched Sora through a lens coated in darkness. When he looks back, he hates those times the most.

But now, Riku knows that he’s stronger than he’s ever been.

He also loves the GummiPhone.

Until now, Riku’s been content with meeting Sora _occasionally_ , but with the Phone, he’s being positively _spoilt_. Sora starts off by sending him messages; Riku is pretty sure Sora’s adventure is too busy to be able to send messages in every hour of the day.

But, somehow, Sora manages to anyway.

Then, he sends Riku pictures of himself in all kinds of places. Riku knows about Sora’s inability to operate technology all too well — he assumes Chip and Dale have been walking Sora through the basic functions of the Phone.

There’s a picture of Hercules and Sora striking identical poses, Sora in the foreground and Hercules in the background. Sora’s biceps don’t look as well defined as they did before… Riku can’t help but worry.

While he knows that Sora tends to take these kind of things in stride, Riku can’t help but worry and wonder when it’ll all become too much for Sora.

* * *

 

When faced with Aqua alone, Riku almost lets himself crumble.

She’s strong, stronger than he is by himself. Mickey is indisposed, and it’s one on one. A fair fight, one would assume.

Except Aqua’s been in the Realm of Darkness for a _long_ time; he doesn’t know if he can save her. Keyblades clash once, twice, three times before he’s knocked to his knees.

Sweat drips down his neck, and it takes all the strength he has to stay upright. He can feel the darkness licking away at his knees, and he thinks that’s it.

Is this really where his story ends?

He’ll never get to see Sora again, to tell him to go and buy a damn coat for that snowy place he’s been visiting. Won’t be able to tell him that Donald sent him a video of Sora dancing in Corona; won't be able to tell him how much he loves seeing Sora happy.

“Sora…”

He’d do anything to just be able to _see_ Sora one last time—

The tower of Heartless seems to pause in place; Riku’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and his eyes shoot upwards.

There’s a door, in the middle of the darkened sky. It slams opens and a beam of light shoots out; Riku shields his eyes, but peers through his fingers ever so slightly.

He can’t breathe.

He actually wants to laugh, because _of course_.

Swiping a hand across his brow and keeping his eyes back on Aqua, Riku feels the exact moment Sora touches down next to him. The air beside him has gone from stone cold to full of warmth, and Riku can’t help but to look over.

It feels as though it goes by in slow motion — Sora’s shoes touch down, his knees bend, his arms straighten. Then, Sora looks up, shakes his head and grins, ignoring the tower of Heartless hovering just meters away.

“I made it!”

Riku’s heart starts beating again — he isn’t sure when it stopped — and he can’t help but let out a laugh.

* * *

 

It all happens so fast; one moment, everyone’s there, and then they’re gone, in the blink of an eye.

Riku and Sora are the only two left.

Riku’s worrying his bottom lip with his teeth when Sora drops his Keyblade, falls to his knees, and screams. He’s by Sora’s side instantly, on his knees and placing a hand between Sora’s shoulder blades. Sora looks up, eyes rimmed red and tears spilling down his cheeks.

“They’re gone,” he says, his voice cracking from the tears. “Kairi, Donald… Goofy, the King… Gone forever…” At that, Riku runs his hand up and down Sora’s back, thinking of something he could possibly say.

But there isn’t anything.

“ _It’ll be okay_.” Will it?

“ _I’m still here_.” Except, Sora needs more than _just_ Riku.

“What do we do?” Sora’s broken voice breaks through Riku’s inner turmoil. Riku’s mind is running a mile a minute, trying to think of something — _anything_ — to say.

This is _Sora_!

The living, breathing personification of the sun itself. Riku doesn’t know anyone stronger than Sora, and yet—

“Without them… I…” Riku’s eyes narrow; he doesn’t like where Sora is going with this. “All my strength came from them! They gave me all of it!” Riku’s stomach sinks. “Alone… I’m worthless.”

Something inside of Riku snaps.

Removing his hand from Sora’s back, he grips his Keyblade tighter, balls his free hand into a fist, and stands up. He never wanted Sora to feel anything like he ever has — it’s the _one_ thing he hoped Sora never had to go through.

He inhales.

“Sora,” he says, voice low but strong. “You don’t believe that.” He waits for Sora to tentatively meet his eyes before he continues, “I know you don’t.”

And Riku turns.

* * *

 

“And we’ll both be back before you know it.”

When Sora says that he has to go find and bring back Kairi by himself, Riku trusts him.

Even though he has the worst feeling in the pit of his stomach, Riku briefly closes his eyes and nods.

“His heart and his mind are made up,” he says, looking over at Sora. The determination is set on his face, he can tell. “Now… Believe in him.” He says it more to himself than everyone else, but he knows they’re all listening.

He’ll let Sora go because he loves him — loves the raw resolve and courage that Sora displays. He loves how much Sora loves his friends. Loves the lengths he’ll go through for _anyone_ , not just Kairi. If it were Donald or Goofy in Kairi’s position, Sora would do give it his all to get them back too.

So, Riku meets Sora’s eyes, and he nods. “Bring her back,” he says. He doesn’t try to get Sora to promise to come back with Kairi; he knows Sora can’t promise that.

Riku just hopes that Sora knows that _he’ll_ do anything for Sora, the same way Sora will do anything for his friends.

* * *

 

**ACT FOUR — THE EPILOGUE…**

He goes back to the Islands, spends a whole day by himself under the Paopu tree, and decides he can’t do it. It’s too quiet; there’s no laughter throughout the whole of the Islands. Riku knows that he should spend time on the main Island, but one look at Tidus, Wakka and Selphie caused the guilt to roll around in his stomach. He’d mumbled out a quick “ _hey_ ,” before escaping back to their smaller Island.

Riku soon finds out that he has to keep himself busy so that he doesn’t spend every waking moment thinking about Sora and Kairi. He builds a raft; it’s better than the one they’d made when he was 15, he’d almost say it looks professional. He brings sheets of paper out from his pockets and writes songs — Kairi can write the lyrics when she gets back, because she _will_ come back. Riku wonders if Sora will still be able to remember how to play the keyboard.

When he’s out of activities to keep himself busy, three days later, he uses the Gummi Ship that Mickey left him with to make his way to Twilight Town.

He knows exactly where Lea and the others will be, but he still sets the ship at the back of the Old Mansion before he heads to the Clocktower. He lets himself in; it’s not like there’s anyone there to accuse him of breaking and entering.

Naminé’s room is exactly as he remembers it — the pictures taped up on the walls in something akin to organisation that outline all of the adventures she’s seen, most of them indirectly. Her sketchbook sits on the table, at the seat that she had once claimed as her own.

Riku takes a deep breath.

He picks up the sketchbook and tucks it under his arm; he’ll leave the pictures on the walls and bring her back here. Will she want to start completely fresh, or will she want to keep the memories? He’ll let her decide.

Next, he takes the ship to the Clocktower. There isn’t really a way that he can make it a surprise entrance, so he knows that they’re expecting him when he takes the stairs up to the top.

Xion is waiting to greet him when he gets to the top; she stands with a smile, something expectant in the way she’s looking at him. Something about the glint in her eyes reminds him of the glint both Sora and Kairi get when they’re ganging up on him. His chest aches.

It takes him a second to realise what Xion’s hoping for.

“Oh, they’re not…” He sees the smile fall slightly, and he feels bad. “Sorry, Xion.”

She shakes her head; she probably knows that he’s apologising for a multitude of things. “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.” She glances over her shoulder. “So… Um, what brings you here, then?”

He feels the sudden weight of the GummiPhone resting in his pocket — it’s a bit too late to be realising that he could have called ahead to ask if they even _wanted_ to. “Are you guys busy?”

“Not really?” Xion links her hands together and stretches. “We’ve been out here all day; Roxas’ friends showed up a little while ago.”

Riku clears his throat — he and Roxas haven’t had a chance to talk properly yet, so it’s a topic he doesn’t really want to get into. “I got some news from Ienzo,” he says instead. Her attention is immediately 100% focused on him, hopeful, and he grins. “I was on my way to Radiant Garden…” He trails off, watching the way her eyes brighten and a toothy grin forms on her face.

Riku almost forgets that they have an audience until Lea’s face appears to the left of Xion’s.

“Ienzo?” He asks, hope lacing his own voice.

“Yeah,” Riku replies, pulling his phone from his pocket and opening up the message Ienzo sent him not half an hour ago.

It’s a picture message, much like the ones Sora would send to him. Ienzo is in the foreground, his expression blank and a peace sign threw up at the camera. In the background, a figure sits at a dresser, brushing their hair. From the back, all that’s visible is the shoulder length blonde hair, but it’s such a familiar sight to all of them that it’s obvious who it is.

“Naminé!” Lea grunts as he’s shoved to the side and Roxas’ face appears to the right of Xion’s. The trio stare at him expectantly.

Riku pauses, eyes flicking between the gathering on the clocktower, eventually coming to land on Isa who’s wearing a look of apprehension on his own face. “Yeah… He said she’s been asking about you guys,” he pockets his phone again and runs a hand through his hair. “So, I thought we could all go to the Islands?” He refuses to give them the real reason he wants to get everyone together, even though they all probably know anyway. “It’s cool if you’re busy though; it looks busy up here.”

“Don’t be silly, Riku,” Xion says, scrunching her nose up. “The more the merrier, right?”

* * *

 

Naminé fills the silence on the way to Destiny Islands, which Riku will be eternally grateful for.

He finds that it’s suffocating, being around all of these people all of a sudden. It’s a strange feeling, especially considering that just hours ago, he couldn’t wait for some human interaction.

When he lands the ship, they find Terra, Aqua and Ventus already waiting — how they knew he was bringing everyone, he doesn’t know.

Everyone files out of the Gummi Ship, but Riku stays put.

He has to be strong while he waits for Sora and Kairi to come back. He knows that they will.

But it’s been _so_ long since the three of them have been able to be together, undisturbed.

The clearing of a throat snaps Riku out of his reverie, and his eyes snap up.

Roxas stands near the entrance of the ship, looking as uncomfortable as Riku feels.

“You know,” he starts, watching his hands play with the hem of his shirt rather than looking in Riku’s direction. “I don’t think this’ll help much, but they’ll come back.”

“ _Why say it if you don’t think it’ll help?_ ” Riku almost asks before he stops himself; Roxas is trying to help, and Riku just wants to take it out on someone. He wants to find someone to blame and, since no one is to blame, he’ll blame himself.

Instead of answering, Riku hangs his head and sighs.

“Though,” Roxas starts again, and Riku can hear the smugness in his voice, “if you were lonely, you could have just said so.” Riku freezes, and Roxas continues. “Naminé said that sure, she wanted to see us, but that it was your idea for us to all come out here to do it.”

Breathing out, Riku finally looks back up.

“I need to be here,” he says shortly, knowing that Roxas will know what he’s implying.

Sora and Kairi could come back at any moment; Riku needs to be here for when they do.

* * *

 

Riku races Terra and Roxas around the circumference of the Island for what seems like the whole afternoon; by the time they’re all worn out, the sun is setting and disappearing behind the horizon.

Then, Riku has time to think again. He sits on the Paopu tree with his phone in his hand, and types out a message into his, Sora and Kairi’s group chat.

‘ _I’ll wait for you guys_.’

And then, in a message to Sora, he sends ‘ _I love you_.’

**Author's Note:**

> aand that's a wrap; i've been writing this over about the course of a week.
> 
> let me know how you found it, mayhaps??? this is my first time writing anything from riku's pov, so i'm apprehensive.


End file.
